De Twinky Coat!
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The New Gay Comedy Thriller From DAN KAHN!


'Cover Picture of the new Gay Thriller from Dan Kahn', COPYRIGHT DAN J. KAHN , 2011.


........-Do you remember me? --Chelsea?-

-Hello? Chelsea WHO???-

-Its Chelsea, From Le Train Bleu. The bar. Is that Christy, the one who does DJ-in as Slipmat?-

-Yeah, its me, Christy, speakin. What the hell d-ya want at this time o-night??-

-Well could ya come -long to the Blue Train, The Blue Train, Durrow Street near Plaskett Street? We want you to audition for a DJ, as we are looking for a DJ for Thursdays, from next week! Can you come around now, just to see us quickly?-

My ears really prick up on this; my DJ career has been going nowhere as of late and I could really do with some extra money.

-Now? Cant it wait until tomorrow? Ive got to catch up with the boyfriend, and get home.-

I distinctly hear a pause with muffled voices in the background; Chelsea or whoever she is, seems almost to be covering the phone with her hand or something. Oh, well, private conversations...

-Im sorry, I absolutely insist you need to come along now,- Chelsea says, -we have to see you now- Something like a giggle in the background. -I will be busy tomorrow and if you dont see us tonight I will be offering the job immediately to someone else.-............


I rush forward screaming past the statuesque audience, a few of them holding pocket phonesets to their ears, others just staring numbly and puzzlingly, one, whom I immediately recognise as Mickey, desperately tugging at various places around Leos legs, which turn out to be numerous plastic cable ties: several of these as well as a bondage harness with nipple-torture clamps and a hefty chain and padlock have all been used to secure him to the closed gates, so that not only is he completely immobilised, but the gates cannot be opened until he is cut free from his numerous bonds, greatly complicating a smooth rescue effort.

-Leo, Leo! What the hell has happened! Who the hell done this!!!-

-Hey, Christy, its you! Look, look, theyll be here in a moment, the Guards and the Fire Brigade! I cant cut any of dese plastic tings cos they are supporting his weight, he will get hurt if we tried to get him down without proper help!-

Suddenly a figure in a long black robe emerges from a door in the side of the Deanery behind the little Gatehouse. It is the Dean himself, Fr. Gilbert.

-What the hell do we have here! -Oh, Jaysus Mary and Joseph, in all the-!-

'Flying Elevator', Watch Out for it in the final chapters of the Book!!! COPYRIGHT DAN J. KAHN , 2011.


…And who, in the Queer Community these last few years hasnt heard about H.O.R.I.D., or Homosexuality Related Immuno-Deficiency, indeed as its name suggests, a horrible disease which saps mainly gay males of their immune system, and leaves them open to any number of infections which frequently cause disability and death within a few years. As the experts have said, there is no known cure, and numbers of sufferers making that one-way journey to the hospices have steadily increased, although mercifully not as much as was feared, mainly thanks to a rigorous screening and condom-awareness campaign which has succeeded in crossing all cultural and religious boundaries in the developed world; for the condom, as even the Pope acknowledged after intense lobbying from parishioners, priests and cardinals, is the only way to stop an evil disease in its tracks, which threatens loving heterosexual couples just as much as gay ones. H.O.R.I.D. screening is booming, too, and a lot of the fundraisers of late have helped establish networks around the world to ensure the APT approach: Awareness, Protection and Testing. Hopefully we will eventually find a treatment, or a cure, but in the meantime, while many Gay men such as I take extreme care to always use a condom and not take risks, there are an equal number of queers who live for the moment and exhibit a Devil-May-Care attitude, and I dont just mean in terms of sexual promiscuity: Gay-related gangs, and crimes clearly committed by them, are soaring, in Glasgow as in Allenby or Dublin or any other city; drugs are the new sex, and many a successful bright young gay man has gone out on a high, blowing his brains out or some other form of self-immolation, often taking some poor innocent with him, when he finds from the clinic that the result is Yes, you have contracted H.O.R.I.D. virus and we can give you at best 3 years to live. But in 3 years from now we could have a cure, and it is for this, as well as for Sammy, that I place the small change from buying our drinks into the Find A Cure box.


The bulk of the superintendent blocks the sunlight streaming in through the windows as he straightens his heavy frame and momentarily pauses the drumming of his fingers on the tinny ventilation grille along the base of the windows.

-I dont know, I really dont know. Thats what they all say in the end- he mutters, resumes the impatient tapping for a moment, then swings his body round to face Driscoll and OBrien who have just entered the room and seated themselves on the other side of the barrier formed by the long boardroom table, as if anticipating the need to seek some kind of cover against the impending glare of his bloodshot eyes.

-Well, then, Patrick and Clara, I suppose you already have a strong hint of what this is about,- Dan begins, -and I do not, for one moment wish to make you think that my decision has any bearing whatsoever on how the both of you have been performing, either now or in the past; your method and skill in dealing with your current case has been flawless, and no-one else could have done any better in obtaining the information and results you have managed so far. But, And yes, that is a qualified -but-: the incident which you have now been working on, -tirelessly, I may add-, for the past four days, indeed has the hallmarks of a very serious assault, which could have ended in the death by choking of the young victim, and also there is the matter of a very expensive item of designer clothing, -an overcoat to be exact-, which was clearly stolen from the same young man, or rather a cloakroom, the same night. However, I hasten to say, that an attack which leaves no lasting harm on anyone, and a theft worth a few hundred Eurodollars does not make a strong priority for team members such as you both, when there is a whole folio of higher-level case files demanding action: multiple cases of violence, incidents of arson endangering life, organised counterfeiting rings, even reports of someone setting off firearms up in the hills near Ravens Warden. Before I continue, any questions?-

-We have several points, actually- said ODriscoll, as he swivelled his chair a few degrees to make himself a bit more comfortable.

-When we visited the Glow Nightclub the following afternoon to trace a possible thief from the CCTV footage, we run through the tape which switches through four cameras, including one in the lobby by the cloakroom. At about a quarter to midnight, the lobby camera picks up an image of someones arm appearing from the side -no face visible, only their arm-, and they’re holding a spray-can of something aimed directly at the camera. Seconds later the field of vision turns black. On examining the actual camera-bubble, we find that it has been sprayed with a dark brown sweet-smelling substance, which the manager succeeded in cleaning off; on checking the still of the moment the can was sprayed, I could make out what looked like the word -Harmonium- on the can. A brand of hairspray with tint. No real damage done to the camera, but a casual thief who wants to steal someones jacket from the cloakroom surely doesnt go to such lengths to cover his tracks; common pickpockets and the like often select victims in corners not covered by CCTV, and usually target each club only once in a while, so as not to court familiarity.-

Some of the characters that feature in part of the story and its sequels: the 227 Bus, the flying Lift and a Tapir. COPYRIGHT DAN J. KAHN , 2011.

Watch this space for pictures, and MORE about this exciting new landmark in Gay Literature!
All Images and all Specimen Passages of text on this site from story: De Twinky Coat. COPYRIGHT Dan J. Kahn 2010-2011.
Last Updated Tuesday 27 Sept 2011.

Picture of a tapir at TAPIR WORLD, the wildlife park which features in part of the story...
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